It’s Two Thousand Thirteen.
A new year, with new challenges and new opportunities. I’m proud to say that I’m going back to school to get a bachelor’s degree in Film. While it’s not far off from my Theatre major, I’ve always loved making movies and I’m excited at the prospect of becoming more technically proficient at it. I feel different about school in general, too. I don’t feel like I’m squaring off against an adversary, but rather like I’m meeting an old friend. I’m sure there will be times that are harder than others, but I’m looking forward to classes, and I feel like I want to be there, which is honestly not a feeling I’ve ever had about college.
So yes, 2013 is a new year, with new outlooks, new opportunities, and… newborns.
That’s right, everyone. I’m going to be a father.
Whoa. Just reading that made me gleeful, terrified, anticipatory, stressed, excited, worried, teary, “and a little gassy.”
Seriously. The wife and I just talked about how we’re officially in the third trimester. Our little bundle of awesome mini-us is due in late April, and her name is Joely Jane. I’ve seen pictures of the kid, and I must say, she’s pretty cute.
“It’s Shake-n-Bake*, and I helped!”
Now all I need is a shotgun, and I’ll be set. Well, not exactly. I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but when you learn you’re going to be a parent, there’s a shift that occurs that lets you see the world in a way that’s different from any view you’ve had before. It replenishes the wonder. You start looking at everything with this strange mix of professor/bodyguard mentalities.
“That’s so fascinating!”
“That’s SO dangerous.”
“I want to look closer.”
“Do you want to DIE?”
Really, I just can’t wait to meet this little girl. Hold her in my arms, kiss her sweet face, smell that heavenly fresh-baked smell. She’s going to rule my world with a chubby fist. She’s got throngs of family and friends who are eagerly anticipating her arrival as well. Everyone we’ve talked to about the kid is so excited for us, which is awesome. It’s multifaceted, I’m sure. Everyone loves a baby, everyone loves someone pregnant, and everyone loves an underdog.
For a long time, Aubrey and I weren’t sure we were ever going to get to be parents. We tried for three years to conceive, with no luck. It was heart-wrenching and exhausting. We had seen doctors at our local women’s health office, and they referred us to a reproductive endocrinologist last summer. After a few months with little progress, we looked at each other and really accepted the possibility that we might never have kids. We decided that it wouldn’t be the end of the world. We loved each other, we had a great life, a great marriage, and we could make our future whatever we wanted. After three years of suffocating under infertility’s weight, we were finally breathing again.
That’s when we got the wind knocked out of us by a positive pregnancy test.
“Good thing you just peed.”
The amazing thing we thought would never happen to us happened! We had no choice but to laugh and shake our heads about the timing. Of course we would get pregnant right after we decided we would be fine without kids. When we announced the pregnancy, the outpouring of love, encouragement, and congratulations was overwhelming. Most of the people in our lives knew this was something we were dealing with, so their investment in our struggle only added to their payoff from our victory over it.
We’ve been excited for all the ultrasound appointments we’ve had, getting to see our little girl move around, suck her thumb, and even look straight “into the camera.” I’ve loved that Aubrey’s bump has been growing more and more noticeable. I rub it, talk to it, sing to it, read to it. I know my little girl is just below the surface, listening to me and kicking her mom in the guts when she gets excited. (Sorry, honey.)
All at once I feel like April can’t come soon enough, and like there’s not enough time in the world between now and then. So much to do to get ready for this kid. Our baby shower (that’s right, OUR baby shower; it’s coed and we’re both really stoked for it) isn’t until March, which is good because we haven’t finished registering yet, and bad because we won’t know what we have and what we still need until about six weeks before Joely hits the scene.
“Welcome home, sweetie!”
I’m not really worried about it, but it would be nice for Aubrey to have something to nest with during her nesting phase. What I am worried about is the crazy rush to get everything home, take stock and buy whatever’s missing, and put it all together before the Eagle has landed; not to mention that this will all be between Spring Break and Finals.
“Worrying is like a rocking chair.”
“It give you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”
“Write that down.”
This year will be rife with opportunities for personal growth. One of those will be to personally shrink a little. I know, it’s a cliché goal, especially at the onset of a new year. But I have medical reasons for it, and I think it can only help me to be more active with Joely once she becomes mobile. I have goals to write a blog post every week, write more in general, read more, cook, create something with my hands… It’s an impressive list. That was important to me when compiling my list of goals for this year. I want to shoot for a lot of big things, so that even if I fall short, I can look back at the year and say, “I did some cool stuff.”
I was watching the show Dinner for Five, and in one episode, someone says, “Whatever you do, you do better when you have kids.” That was very inspiring to me. I want to do what I do better because I’ll have a little one looking up to me.
I don’t want to disappoint her.
That’s a lucky number, right?